In the 10th century a viking ship arrives on the North American shore. In present day, somewhere in the woods, a couple of seniors is struck down by a frenzied assailant. The next day, assertive rock music-loving Josh takes his college friends, easy-going Mike, Mike’s fun-loving girlfriend Shelly, enthusiastic Kathy, Kathy’s unenthusiastic frizzy-haired friend Kristi and bookworm Larry, in his black pickup to a cabin near a creek in the woods where he and his family used to camp. They have fun there until nightfall. Josh becomes nostalgic for the days of his youth he spent there with his folks and unsuccessfully tries to hit on Kristi, Mike and Shelly have fun with each other and Kathy shows subtle interest in Larry. Larry however is more interested in the history of the place, since it’s said that vikings from Norway landed in the vicinity 1000 years ago and built the first settlement there. Another story he’s curious about is the Nordic myth of the curse of the berserker. Some warriors among the vikings would allow themselves to become possessed with primal berserker rage. In this state, they were unstoppable and would kill everything in site and even eat the flesh of their enemies. They could sometimes even kill a bear with their bare hands and use its skin as a cloak, claws as weapons and snout as a mask. However, they would pay a terrible price for becoming berserkers, since even in their death they were never to find peace and their rage would return to possess their offspring. Meanwhile, the worried local state trooper and de facto local sheriff, Officer Hill, plays chess with his friend and local Pappy Nyquis and mentions the college kids and the cabin. Pappy mentions that Homer and Edna, a nice senior couple who rented the cabin, should be somewhere around there as well. Hill has a bad feeling, but he isn’t sure why.

Also Known As: Berserker: The Nordic Curse, O Vale Assassino, Berserker

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  • jevgeni-vasiliev
    jevgeni vasiliev

    I have wasted 1,5 hours from my life and 2$ from my wallet. Completely disgusting movie! This is a bad and funny movie because the director tried to make a serious one. In the first 50 minutes, i thought the killer was a bear but at the end of the film, i shocked. Not because of the real killer but the silly of the final.

  • andrea-craig
    andrea craig

    I rented this movie along with some other b-flicks to watch with my friends. All I can say, is I wasted my $1.99. It was confusing, the film quality was bad, not to mention a total lack of a plot. The cover was kind of cool and that’s about it…

  • antonie-nemes
    antonie nemes

    ok, for a start, the beginning is pretty good, a guy dies and its meant to be a rumour, you see the guy dying but no ones sure if he really did or not, its just a rumour, i like that idea. but after that the film is totally daft. for a start, i thought the berserker was just a warrior later on you realise it was one of the guys you see. i dont wanna spoil it and tell u who it is but you’l never guess. ~~~SPOILER~~~ at the end where the berserker dyes, he mutates back into the indian guy, WHATS UP WITH THAT. i enjoyed watching the film then they just pop out with some sad and crazy ending. this film is worth £5 or $7

  • ankica-sinkovic
    ankica sinkovic

    A group of friends are on a camping trip where they encounter a “nordic beast” which assaults(more like mauls them)with bear claws. Out in the darkness of the wilderness somewhere near their cabin(or another’s cabin they “borrow”), this group is lost, hoping to find their way back, but this will be a dangerous quest as the “berserker” is somewhere in the midst, ready to strike.Based on legend, the berserker is said to be a descendant of the Vikings, savage humans, in bear skins(wearing their heads and arms equipped with claws), cannibalistic even, who eat their prey. It was said, as part of the legend, that the souls of the berserkers were not allowed into heaven, and so they continue on, invading the bodies of their ancestors. Could this be who is after the group of college youths just out of the city for some fun? Most of the attacks are claws to the victims’ faces and bodies. Some nudity and sex between boyfriend/girlfriend, Mike and Shelly(Joseph Alan Johnson and Beth Toussaint)before the berserker goes on a rampage. It all started with Josh’s girlfriend, Kristi(Shannon Engemann)having to urinate, with Mike and Shelly going to see what was taking her so long. While the lovebirds were engaged in sex, Kristi was being attacked. Soon the entire company is in the woods, searching for an exit. Josh(Greg Dawson)used to come to the cabins all the time with his father..he’s the one of the group who who can be a pain in the ass, and is a bit of a mischief maker. He tosses out a beer can and is pulled over by police officer, Hill(John Goff), not the right start to their vacation. Hill warns of littering and sends them on their way. George Buck Flower is Pappy Nyquist, who runs the campgrounds and cabins where our gang wish to crash. Pappy is from “the old country”, his w’s sounding like v’s. Hill and Pappy are life long friends and discuss, vaguely, the Norse legend. We get the impression that those outside the city, aren’t very fond of the outsiders who show up to leave garbage for them to clean up. The area where the cabins are located had descendants of the Vikings/berserkers, which might explain who is behind the murders which soon transpire. Or, as the filmmakers point out, a bear shown wandering about in the woods could be the culprit. When Larry(Rodney Montague) breaks a leg stumbling over a log, Josh will remain with him as Larry’s girlfriend Kathy(Valerie Sheldon)and Mike go for help. A constant in this movie is the discovery of past victims, buried in bushes or hidden underneath tree branches, which obviously shock and frighten the cast not expecting corpses in the general area. Basically carries the structure of the wilderness slasher movie, with a “berserker” and claws replacing a knife-wielding maniac. Buck Flower completists might want to check this out. The ending I found pretty silly and more than a bit bewildering, the way the berserker responds to sunlight and how the image of “it” changes as the film closes.

  • robert-hedman
    robert hedman

    When one ponders how truly terrible a handful of 80’s “wackos-in-the-woods” fright features tend to be (e.g., “The Forest,” “The Prey,” and “Don’t Go in the Woods”), claiming that “Berserker” qualifies as an especially abysmal example of this horror sub-genre speaks volumes about its exceptionally abominable lack of quality. The plot’s strictly by-the-numbers — and from hunger to boot: Six bland, witless jerky teens (three guys and three gals) go camping in the Wisconsin wilderness, only to wind up getting bagged by a claw-and-bear snout wearing modern-day descendant of an ancient fabled Norwegian warrior known as a — big, portentous drum roll please — BERSERKER! This flat, flaccid stinker misses the boat in practically every respect; it’s a cheap, overly familiar and grindingly predictable time-waster brought down by horrid acting from the talentless, irritating teens (only the lovely Beth Toussaint, who bears a passing resemblance to Linda Hamilton, manages to make a favorable impression because she not surprisingly bares all in a thoroughly gratuitous, yet still much-appreciated sex scene), insipid cardboard characters, an unbearably poky pace, extremely bogus gore (the Norwegian nutcase rubs what looks like sodden raspberry jelly all over its victims’ faces), a trite, meandering narrative, a blatantly telegraphed “surprise” ending, and dire, uninspired direction. The sole source of faint entertainment is the always refreshing and uplifting presence of late, great, sorely missed fat guy character actor favorite George “Buck” Flower, who delivers a funny, spirited performance as Pappy Nyquist, the choleric, doddering, eccentric camp caretaker whose land the kids trespass on. Flower’s frequent co-star John Goff appears as an ineffective sheriff. Goff and Flower collaborated on the scripts for such choice 70’s drive-in cheese as “Joyride to Nowhere,” “C.B. Hustlers,” and the immortal “Drive-In Massacre.” Among the many movies Goff and Flower appear in together are “The Witch Who Came from the Sea,” “The Alpha Incident,” “The Fog,” the indispensable Pia Zadora classic “Butterfly,” “The Night Stalker,” “Maniac Cop,” “They Live,” “Relentless,” “Skeeter,” both “Ilsa” flicks, and “Tammy and the T-Rex.” And I believe I’m going off on a little extraneous tangent here. But hey, when you’re reviewing a flick as lame and unremarkable as “Berserker” the urge to embark on an utterly incongruous tangent is downright impossible to resist. I think that says plenty about this baby’s lowly status as an undeniably dismal dud.

  • nagy-gabor
    nagy gabor

    Some teens head up to cabin for a weekend of fun and hot sex (even out in the middle of an open forest), but come under attack by what appears to a viking berserker. Or is it really a bear? Poorly crafted and made slasher film even by the standards of this genre, features inept acting and direction, despite somewhat intriguing premise. Looks like it was made on a budget of about $100. Disappointing effort from Prism Pictures. Rated R; Sexual Situations, Violence, Nudity, and Profanity.

  • pani-marcelina-groborz
    pani marcelina groborz

    The ancient Northern mythology COULD be the most marvelous source for fascinating epics, adventures or breath-taking horror.but instead of this, some idiots decided to turn it into a slasher. I’m not even sure it’s worth to be called a ‘film’ because it’s a completely uninspired, lame and annoying mess. The legend of the Berserkers – a tribe of aggressive Viking Warriors during the 10th century – forms a weak base to show one of the crappiest 80’s horror films I’ve ever seen..And I’ve seen a lot of junk in my days. Except for the slightly different plot-point, all other routine slasher elements are present. Meaning: horny boys, sexy girls, loud and inappropriate rock music, stupidity and a lot of bad acting. I’m convinced that this film will disappoint even diehard slasher-fans because there are too many survivors at the end! What the hell is that about? The body-count in this pile of garbage lies far below the normal standards. Add to this a bit of cheesy make-up effects and an incredibly stupid end-twist, then you’ve got one of the silliest and unnecessary movies ever made. Skip this one and keep your eyes open for REAL Viking fables.

  • allen-prince
    allen prince

    A group of teenagers (who actually look to be 30) head up to a cabin for some fun and sun, but come under attack by an ancient viking beserker.An awful film with poor acting, direction, and writing, even by slasher movie standards. Sloopy editing doesn’t help much either. Features more sex and nudity then usual though, but even that can’t make this entertaining. My rating: 3 out of 10.

  • denis-nogueira
    denis nogueira

    This late-80s stinker tries to carve out a Nordic-mythology niche in the rapidly-declining slasher genre, but fails to do literally anything else of note.A group of teenagers, personality-free even by ’80s horror standards, goes for a weekend camping trip, but unfortunately, there’s a “berserker” about — a cannibalistic Nordic hunter who wears a bear snout on his face. Not to mention a giant brown bear! And a kindly old man with a bad Swedish accent named Pappy! So much to be scared of! Actually, I’m genuinely confused who is actually killing these teenagers. By the title, it’s assumed the Berserker is the one at fault, but there’s also endless footage of the bear stalking the teenagers and running away after kill scenes. These scenes are all incompetently filmed and lit and give no clue to the mystery, either.Not that it really matters: both killers seem incompetent at their job and the flick has a pitifully low body count. Instead, you’re treated to overlong chess scenes, horrid rock songs (“HE’S A COOOOOOOL DUDE!”), and endless shots of people walking through the forest. It’s 82 minutes long and feels like it should be half that.For Odin’s sake, they even make a fist-fight between a Viking and a brown bear dull to watch! All but the most ardent slasher completists will find BERSERKER damn near unBEARable. Skip it!

  • varga-istvanne
    varga istvanne

    The concept of the film is interesting.Based on the true Berserker warriors who were part of the Viking invaders. However the movies spoiled by plot holes eg..why would the door be used when the girls hiding in the cabin,when there’s a Window with no cover of any sort!?Also, how could they not here the girls(Chris) screams when the couple were quietly making love!? The acting was fairly overacted in parts.The police Officer gives the best performance. The fog gives the film a creepy feel and the atmosphere is probably one of the best aspects of this rather cheesy film.Josh’s character has some good levels.We get to see a bit of a back story on what he’se been through and why he’s such a jerk.The best part of the movie is Greg Dawsons(Josh)backside!!

  • isabella-van-haeften-thout
    isabella van haeften thout

    *Contains spoilers, Agatha Christie fans look away*Oh no. Just when I thought I’d seen the worst killer in the woods film with CAMP BLOOD. I found this little beauty glaring back at me on a tatty looking stall at my local car boot sale. I had mixed emotions about this after examining the cover. It looked a little, well, how can I put it, ‘shoe string budgeted’ to say the least! But I’ve survived DREAM SLAYER and even VIOLENT SHIT intact, and the tagline did state that “…The screaming suspense would start clawing at my nerves.”(!) So I boldly went where I bet many have been disappointed before.A Berserker is an age old Nordic legend, from Viking times(so it says ‘ere). Berserkers were kept tied in chains and used as the first line of assault during raids. Because they ate human flesh they were cursed by the God Odin and forbidden a restful death. So to this day they’re blood kin reincarnates them. Now present day America and a group of fun loving college kids set out to explore a remote woodland. As they joyfully embark on their carefree mission, they have no idea of the horrendous surprise that fate has in store for them. (Pretty much like I had no idea of the horrendous disappointment that fate had in store for me inside this shoddy video box!)The plot sticks close to the general slasher sense of things for the most part. For example there’s the classic over cliched ‘campfire tale’ scene, where low and behold one of the group jumps out to give everyone a good old scare. But there is one question that is playing on my mind since watching this dribble. And it must be bugging the hell out of you too. Who is it that’s actually killing everyone? The berserker or the bear? I’m afraid that I could not work it out for the life of me. Ok so it was near on 3am when I watched this. And I was pretty tired. But It all seemed to make no apparent sense. The Berserker is most definitely up to no good at the end of the film, and judging by the movie’s name it’s meant to be about him. But if that’s the case however, (and I have to give the killer’s identity away to discuss this, but believe me you’re not missing much!)why do we see the murderer waking up from his sleep after the first two student killings? He must be either a very fast runner or he’s been talking to Arnold from the PSYCHIC KILLER fame and mastered out of body travel. And if that’s so, why wern’t we informed? I can picture it now, the first ever slasher flick where the killer attacks whilst asleep in bed…Excellent!One of the better points was a remarkable HAL HOLBROOK lookalike who goes by the name of John Goff. He is a fairly talented actor who some of you might have seen along with George ‘Buck’ Flowers playing small parts in Carpenter classics such as THE FOG, THEY LIVE and more recently BODY BAGS. Buck also earned a role in the late eighties dorm slasher CHEERLEADER CAMP. Surprisingly enough the two of them together wrote the screenplay for the 1976 slash-a-thon DRIVE IN MASSACRE. And I was even more puzzled when I found out that another BERSERKER cast member – Joeseph Alan Johnson – wrote 1988’s arctic splatter epic ICED!Another thing worth(?) mentioning is the soundtrack. It looks pretty obvious that director Jeff Richard had a couple of mates who were in a rock band at the time, and he let them record the songs for his film. They’ve done the job exceedingly well. Sorry I’m joking, They’re terrible. Here are a couple of the lyrics from one of the songs that the track listing shows as being called ‘Cool Dude’: “STOP telling me what to do about this, STOP telling me all about that. I don’t wanna hear it, cos that aint where it’s at!” It then breaks into the worst chorus in pop history which goes something like: “Cos I’m a coooool dude” Etc! Lately, if i ever get depressed I’ve simply fast forwarded to that scene and turned my TV up to the max. You’d be surprised how soon it cheers me up!Rounded up I can safely say that Berserker is marginally better than CAMP BLOOD. But still, that’s hardly anything to boast about! There’s no gore and the body count isn’t exactly huge either. I’d never heard anything about this feature before I spotted it whilst out and about. And after watching it, I can understand why it was soon forgotten…

  • baiba-bite
    baiba bite

    Boasting an insane, bear-mask wearing, cannibalistic Viking for a killer, Berserker promises to be a cut above its mid-80s slasher contemporaries. Unfortunately, director Jefferson Richard does nothing to capitalise on this cool concept, instead preferring to travel down a path already well-worn by countless other stereotypical horrors.Dumb, horny, pot-smoking teens vacationing at a remote cabin in the woods; a country cop with no patience for city kids; a creepy campfire tale to set the scene; alfresco sex followed by death: this one packs in the clichés whilst neglecting to make the most of the one thing that could possibly have saved it from mediocrity—its bad-ass-sounding Norwegian nut-job.For most of the film, all that is shown of the titular berserker are fleeting shots of a clawed paw; frequent shots of a grizzly bear wandering in the woods even go to mislead viewers into thinking that the killer has somehow taken on ursine form (although a fight between the berserker and the meandering grizzly eventually clears up this confusion). In the film’s closing moments, we finally get to see the killer, and it soon becomes patently obvious why Richard decided to keep him hidden for so long: he looks crap!Also serving to make the production look super cheap and unconvincing are the terrible lighting and smoke effects designed to create a creepy atmosphere, but which just look plain daft, and the crap gore effects which consist of a few naff claw scratches and a smattering of fake blood.Thanks heavens for the fact that the film has a half decent cast (including a turn from prolific genre legend George ‘Buck’ Flower) and that gratuitous outdoor shagging scene—otherwise it would be a complete waste of time.

  • mariana-rohricht-wulff
    mariana rohricht wulff

    Six college friends camping in the woods for a week-out retreat, learn the history of the area where they’re staying at. Supposedly an old Nordic legend tells of a blood-thirsty warrior known as a berserker, which they would be dressed up in bears’ fur and wear their snouts as a mask. Vikings used them for raids. Well, it’s only a story, but the young adults find out it might be reality when they start being killed off one by one, by an unknown figure, but maybe it’s the grizzly bear that seems to be wandering the area.Awful, awful, awful. Sure I read nothing but damaging opinions on it, but I’m a sucker for backwoods horror films, so I just couldn’t pass it up. In all, it was mostly a weakly done and very tatty cheap third-rate woodland slasher item with the usual textbook plot slanted within its tiredly predictable stalk and slash structure. Sometimes being an inept production can raise some unintentional fun (like “Don’t Go In the Woods”), but “Berserker” was a incoherently lifeless drag. Sex (a rather hot and heavy scene) and blood runs freely, but these attack scenes are plain insipid. The killer basically rubs the blood on its victims and delicately scratches them to death with its claws and teeth. Oh, it’s laughable! Something even more eye-boggling was that we had in one corner a caring grizzly bear and in the other the Berserker, which they came to blows in one oddly interesting, if senseless clash. The bear (maybe on its search for a picnic basket) does get plenty of screen time (more than the Berserker) thanks to the questionable editing, but it goes on to feel redundant to the story. What we get of the berserker is disappointing, and lacking with more talk of it than action. The grimy look of the film can get sinisterly atmospheric, but they indeed went overboard in letting the fog creep into all of the night sequences. Sullen lighting works at times, the open locations standout, a brooding score keeps right at it and so does the louring sound effects. Too bad that the stringy direction fills up the plodding running time with stuffy shenanigans, aimless strolls in the woods, moronically exasperating collage twits and numbingly old-hat jump scares. It’s pretty empty on the suspense front, because were lampooned by a ghastly terrible rock soundtrack and bland photography telegraphs everything in an straight-forward fashion. This lazily amateurish handling, really lets slip of an more than decent and fascinating folklore belief. Instead of working something good from this inspired premise, it goes up the same worn-out path and falls into ridiculous patterns with a mundane script. I didn’t think the performances were overly cruddy, but Beth Toussaint stands out for a particular reason and a cocky Greg Dawson. The versatile veteran actor George ‘Buck’ Flower’s fervent performance was a breath of fresh air and a modest John Goff’s plays a concerned, washed-up sheriff.A sloppy, grubby and daggy bottom-barrel slasher exercise, which no wonder why it’s pretty much a forgotten staple of its sub-genre.

  • tarja-salonen-makela
    tarja salonen makela

    BERSERKER is not the worst backwoods slasher ever made. Films like DON’T GO IN THE WOODS make BERSERKER look like a work of genius. The script is really terrible though and whatever they tried to do was, in the end, completely nullified by the badly written story. The idea of having a Viking mythical being behind the killings is original BUT when the killer wrestles with a bear during the end of the film, and the bear wins, well, how scary does the Viking monster look like? (the Viking killer looks like a WWE wrestler, btw).The folks behind BERSERKER tried to do something slightly different and that part is commendable. For example, the ending happens in daytime, which is different than the 99.9% of slashers made up to now. And the best part of the movie happens when the killing starts, which is intercut with sex scenes. That whole moment, until the two girls are found dead, is pretty good and creepy. It’s the film’s best moment. But like I’ve said before, all attempts by the filmmakers of trying to do something different were rendered useless because the conclusion of the story is a howler, the acting is sometimes poor (even if the cast is game), and some scenes just don’t make any sense, like when the girl leaves the cabin (it’s night time) to take a pee and she seemingly walks miles away from the cabin to do this and can’t find her way back. How stupid! As a fan of slashers, I had to see BERSERKER. But those who aren’t die-hard fans of slashers should stay away from it.

  • pan-okhrim-atamaniuk
    pan okhrim atamaniuk

    A group of teenagers head out for an adventure into the woods,trying to spook each other with stories of fabled Viking warriors who used to wear the skins and snouts of bears and go berserk in order to frighten their enemies.Soon,the teens are disappearing,being dragged away to gory deaths by a hairy,half-seen being.”Berserker” by Jefferson Richard is an average slasher flick.It offers some bloody deaths and lots of boring bumbling in the woods.The funniest thing is that whenever there’s a kill scene,we see the bear.The pace is slow,the editing is bad and the final fifteen minutes are completely laughable.There is a pretty steamy sex scene in the woods but it is inter-cut with a death scene to make both scenes look tacky.There is very little gore,so I was slightly disappointed.Overall,”Berserker” is one to avoid unless you want to see every 80s slasher film.4 out of 10 and that’s being kind.

  • diane-welch
    diane welch

    The berserkers, we learn, were a special breed of cannibalistic Viking warriors that used to wear bear masks and skins and attack their enemies with a primal rage. The premise of six kids being hunted by one such “creature” in the middle of the woods on a dark night may sound scary, but this film is too much like so many others to make it so. It does feature the requisite amounts of blood and sex, and also more-than-requisite amounts of wandering around, while the persistently ominous score keeps on playing and playing. (*1/2)

  • tonje-strand
    tonje strand

    (* out of *****) Here’s a bad idea for a slasher movie: Get the audience all stoked and build their expectations by setting up a terrifying, Viking warrior killer called a `berserker’ who tears apart and cannibalizes his victims, but then don’t even reveal him until the last fifteen minutes. Instead, have half the cast (and the best-looking half on top of that) get killed off by a stupid, boring bear. Seriously, this frustrating movie doesn’t know whether it wants to be “Friday the 13th” or “Grizzly 2,” and the bear attacks are drawn out and laughably fake looking. Even though it clocks in well under an hour and a half, much of this turkey is still padded with long, tedious scenes of old men playing chess and making fun of each other’s hearing and frightened doofuses walking through the woods or limping and falling through creek beds. When the berserker is killed, his mask disappears off of his face for some reason, as if he’s a werewolf. Curiously, of the six main characters, only two of them are killed (and the violence is minimal), so I’m wondering just to whom the heck this supposed `slasher’ film is targeted. B-movie veteran George `Buck’ Flower is the only actor of note in this mess, but I’m sure even he would like to forget it. The Blockbuster Video Guide gave this movie three stars — I seriously want to meet the person who sat down, watched this entire movie, and said to him/herself, `Now that’s three-star entertainment!’Lowlight: The `climactic’ fight between the berserker and the bear. Most of the time, it looks like they’re just hugging each other.

  • gustaf-nilsson
    gustaf nilsson

    Berserker starts off looking like it will be a fairly decent backwoods slasher but it soon becomes apparent that it’s another bore-fest. It’s a shame because it could have been so much better, and backwoods slashers like this just aren’t made any more. The only good points are that there is a nice creepy atmosphere in the woods. The fog that seems to be everywhere seems a bit silly and unrealistic, yet at the same time adds to the atmosphere. The main reason Berserker is so boring is that there is a serious lack of lighting. Whenever someone gets killed, you can’t even see it because of the darkness. Only recommended for slasher completists – everyone else should avoid this bore-fest.

  • barsamia-kontogianne
    barsamia kontogianne

    Sure, this movie sucks, but it is a deliberate exercise in bad taste that revels in it’s awfulness. Six unlikeable dimwits go up to a secluded camping lodge in the north country for a beer, pot and sex fueled romp at a vacation resort one of them had visited as a kid. Now he is all grown up into an obnoxious, beer-swilling jerk who’s lack of personal charm is only matched by the sheer crappiness of the music he blasts on his boom box while everyone else is trying to sleep. People ask me why I have no interest in attending high school or college reunions, the answer is that from my recollection they were all jerks just like him, which also explains why I have developed a taste for low-rent 80s teen horror: Watching the bastards get killed in horrible ways that don’t actually require me to do anything that might result in a prison term.The crew and I have the formula down pat: I get my hands on some grubby old rental tapes of movies you can’t rent on Netflix, rustle up a case of beer for Friday night, maybe a bottle of the old sauce and some snack mix. At 10pm we get started with a round-robin discussion that usually devolves into people shouting at me about how much Bush sucks, how evil Bush is, all of the current Bush scandals and outrages, how much Bush has ruined the world, and what a dimwit I am for not seeing through all of the Bush lies, Bush conspiracies, and Bush tyranny that have turned this world into such an awful place. If you ask me the it’s always been a sewer. By then we are primed for some serious drinking and it’s time for a movie or two we can laugh at together, usually with some common unifying theme. This weekend it was Viking Horror, and by god if BERSERKER with it’s stupid, rampaging Viking bear wasn’t the more enjoyable of the two, primarily because it had no greater aspirations than to deprive it’s female cast members of their clothing, kill the cast off in reverse order of likability and provide a couple of belly-laughs at it’s empty headed, vacuous and mercifully quick runtime. The fun is in using our belladonic hazed imaginations to establish how the characters in the film embody traits of those we have left behind us in our journey through time since school: The Jerk, Mr. Popular, his girlfriend Ms. Popular, the Ditz, the Simpering Queer Guy and the Snooty Bitch getting prominent attention in this one. Oh yeah, we knew them all, and waited twenty years to finally get to see them die in a horror movie. “Pass the snack mix, please.”For some reason the lead jerk in the film decides to trick everyone into staying at the exact cabin he bunked at as a kid, thumbing his nose at the kindly old Swedish guy who runs the place and annoying everyone within earshot with his crummy synth metal arena rock. This naturally causes the re-incarnated spirit of a long dead viking warrior to issue forth from his grave in the form of a giant bear — played convincingly by a giant bear — who then proceeds to stalk down and tear the girls limb from limb when they venture away from their boyfriends to take potty breaks out in the woods. The bear creeps up on them, startles them, chases them for an arbitrary period of time and then mauls them to death, repeat and rinse. For variety in addition to the Jerk and his buddy Mr. Popular we get the class closeted Simpering Queer Guy complete with his lisp and pink button up shirt. He still gets to score with one of the girls but that’s OK, just as long as the Jerk doesn’t get any we are happy.If none of this sounds original or inspired you are absolutely correct and probably touching on the main reason why these movies can be so much fun — It is reassuring to know that things will pretty much work out the same over the course of 90 odd minutes of the familiar garbage, which of course is endearing now in the age of truly annoying populist junk like CHAOS, WOLF CREEK and HOSTEL who’s sole purpose seems to be to mortify those who’s remaining pustules of humanity have not already been punctured by five years of the War on Terror. BERSERKER by contrast was made at a time when horror movies were still made to titillate and provoke, and the film’s most provocative imagery involves Beth Toussaint (who played Tasha’s absolutely gorgeous hot nerd goddess babe sister on STAR TREK: TNG) doing full frontal nudity and screwing like a cowgirl out in the woods under the full moon as her friend is torn apart by the bear during cross cutting editing.So sex and violence mixed with violence and sex, edited together into some sick montage of orgasms and suffering in case you are too thick skulled to get the point on your own. We watched this as a double bill with the genuinely unremarkable Viking HIGHLANDER ripoff horror opus THE RUNESTONE, which was a better made, classier production that did not have one memorable scene in it’s overlong 97 minute runtime. This one clocked in at about 85 minutes and generated belly-laughs all around: It was cheap, sleazy, lurid, entertaining, hilarious, stupid, unassuming, fast and worthy of a second viewing once the hangover had departed to find out just how the movie ended, because like any good party I could not remember how things worked out in the end other than I still had my shoes on when regaining consciousness. Always a prime indicator that you may not have accomplished anything but can rest assured that you had a good time, and in a town like this that is the more important consideration.7/10